A Letter to my First Born Child

My Dear Olive,

I was 26 and not married when I found out I was going to be your mom. I must have taken 100 pregnancy tests before I believed you were true. Your daddy was excited right away, and I thought he must be crazy. What a huge responsibility had been gifted to us and I was worried. I’m just being honest here, I was scared shit-less!


The first time I saw your little heart beat on the ultrasound screen is the last time I ever felt alone. As you grew in my belly, I talked to you all the time. People would remark on how often I held my belly. It was some weird instinct so you would know I was there. All of the hormones and emotions were overwhelming. The most overwhelming feeling was love.


True to form my sweet girl, you gave mommy such an easy birth. All rainbows and unicorns. On October 24th, 2012 my heart exploded with love as you entered the world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined feeling that way. I’ve never been the same since.


You will always be the little girl who made me a mom. The little girl who changed my life. The little girl who saved my life. You made me question who I was, and who I wanted to be. You made me face my past, and look forward to my future.



You made me realize what is important in life. You showed me what unconditional love is. You showed me who my true friends were. You made me fall in love with your daddy all over again. For all of those things, I could never thank you enough. I would live through all of our newborn trials and struggles 100 times, because they taught me everything I know now.


It is almost impossible to believe that was all 5 years ago. I know I savored my baby time, and documented all the milestones, but it went so damn fast.



You still teach me new things every day. I sometimes wonder how a little girl who looks just like me can be so different. You are so sweet and kind. You are so inquisitive and ambitious, and by far the most well-spoken 5-year-old I have ever met. You have taught me how to forgive those who are not kind to us. You have taught me to apologize for every mistake I make.


You have tested my patience, and that has made me a more patient person. You’ve tested my strength, and made me a stronger person. You are such a giant part of who I am today.


I hope I make you as proud of me as I am of you. My gorgeous first-born baby, you are amazing. It is no wonder everyone who meets you loves you. You are truly one of a kind. From your big brown eyes, to your auburn hair, to your magical smile. You make the world a better place, and you certainly make me a better person. Happy 5th birthday bunny!!!



Mommy loves you 309020!



The Pregnant Terrorist

One of my favorite things about my life is never knowing what kind of text or email I’m going to wake up to. Sometimes it’s a mucus plug, sometimes it’s a breastfeeding issue, a picture of a baby rash, etc. I never know what my phone will reveal before my first cup of coffee, and I love it. This morning it was a few texts from one of my pregnant besties. The story of how she had just been completely fondled by the TSA, trying to get on her flight for a work trip.


I totally must have forgotten to brief her on “flying pregnant” protocol. My family and I travel a lot, so I wrote “When Babies Fly”, to humorously review traveling with kids. Today, the prequel, I bring you The Pregnant Terrorist.

Continue reading

The 5 Stages of Summer Vacation

I don’t know about you guys, but I am knee deep in summer vacation. By summer vacation, I mean longer days, a messier house, more chores, and YES, bored children. I was totally looking forward to this “relaxed”, unscheduled, easy-breezy time with my sweet babes. Who can relate to these 5 stages of summer?



  1. Excitement – usually occurs around April / May.  The feeling of freedom is so close you can almost taste it. No more rushed mornings, packing lunches and backpacks. No more outfit picking. Screw it, just wear what you had on yesterday. Three months of freedom from class parties and special school days. I’m not brushing your hair, I’m not even brushing my hair! Sweet, sweet summer, please hurry.

Continue reading

Weird Shit Moms Say

Before I became a mother none of these phrases would have come out of my mouth. Well, maybe like one or two but definitely not one a regular basis. Now I say this shit every day, usually multiple times a day. Sometimes when I hear myself I think “what the fuck happened to my life?” I’m sure you moms and dads out there can relate. Here are my weirdest:


Continue reading

Bad Influence Best Friend

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m fine with that because I drink coffee anyway. I laugh too loud. I don’t understand boundaries, and I can be rather vulgar. With all that said, I believe everyone serves their purpose in this life.



Continue reading

Save or Splurge- Maternity

In my opinion, one of the biggest struggles during pregnancy is what to wear. I personally HATED maternity clothes. Just because I’m knocked up doesn’t mean I want to wear ugly floral prints. I want to wear the same things I normally would. So, here’s the deal. Skip the mall. Those stores are expensive and they totally take advantage of how small every store’s maternity section is. I didn’t learn any of this stuff until I was almost through my second pregnancy, but here’s the deal.


Accessories- Now is the time to up your accessory game. The right accessories can totally transform your look. Play up your accessories, and keep your wardrobe basic. Also, your accessories will serve you long after your maternity jeans are in the trash.


Leggings- Good leggings will serve you well my friend. Cheap leggings will bust at the seam and look worn quickly. A couple pair of black quality leggings will carry you through.

Continue reading

The Battle of: HELL FLU

SS logo watermark.jpg

Could someone please tell me what is going on this year? My children are sick way more than they are healthy. It’s like the cold, cough, flu thing is never going to leave my house. I literally Lysol until almost rendered unconscious. What’s the point? Why don’t we just re-name “pre-school”, breeding ground for every mild disease known to man-kind?

Image result for zombie  cartoon

EVERY damn day it’s a new e-mail from the school nurse. Sometimes they come in multiple times a day. So basically, even when my kids are not sick, I’m paranoid by the next looming virus. Paranoia no more my friends. My nightmare has become reality.

Continue reading